Chores: A Child's Perspective

Last Sunday I interviewed several kids in my group, asking them specifically about the chores they do in their homes. Here is a brief listing of each child's gender, age and specific chores as indicated by them. When I asked them how they benefitted from doing chores (particularly cleaning), they came up with four main benefits:

1. Learn responsibility.
2. Learn how to use money (I infer from this that some of them are paid an allowance, but I didn't think to ask specifically.).
3. Stay healthy by cleaning away germs.
4. Keep things clean so they do not get embarrassed if someone shows up unannounced.

Four year old boy: No chores

Five year old girl: No chores

Six year old boy: Clean room, wash dishes, put away dirty clothes.

Seven year old boy: sometimes wash dishes, sometimes help mow lawn, feed dogs, take dogs outside.

Seven year old girl: pull weeds, feed cats and dogs, clean litter box

Nine year old girl: clean room, feed dogs

Ten year old girl: clean room, dishes

Ten year old girl: clean after dog, mow lawn, fold clothes, water plants, clean room

Ten year old girl: wash car, make bed

Key observations:

1. First, these are chores which the kids listed about themselves. Obviously there may be additional chores. It is also possible that some might have embellished their roles just a bit.

2. I do notice a greater degree of responsibility with older kids.

3. I did not detect any bad attitudes about chores. I found this to be quite interesting, frankly. I kind of expected a few sighs, but none occurred, to their credit.

4. I perceived a sense of satisfaction in some of the kids, as if they realized they are growing up, and chores is a part of that process.

5. It occurred to me to follow up on this session in the future with encouragement that doing their chores is a key way they can contribute to their families. It helps parents. It helps siblings. It helps the entire family.

Wall-E: A Movie Review

He was a garbage compactor. She was a lethal weapon. He had a quirky personality. She was a svelt seeker of hope for the destiny of a civilization. He fell in love with her. She tried to destroy him. Instead, he captured her heart through his loyalty and care for her even when she was knocked out of commission.

Wall-E is a budding love story between two robots, Wall-E and his beloved Eva. They were opposites in so many ways, but their unique differences thrust them together as eventual partners in rescuing the last remnants of a human civilization which had been absent from Earth for 700 years on a colony space vessel. Indeed, it caused them to rescue each other for each other.

Wall-E is rated G for families. While there are mild scenes of peril, it is really quite tame compared to much of what is out there in movies. Most kids should be fine. There are thematic elements which only older kids or adults will comprehend. For example, on the colony ship the colonists are completely unaware of any reality other than virtual reality. They don't even realize they have a swimming pool on the ship. Everything is done for them by robots. Everything. Brushing teeth. Putting on makeup. Entertainment. Everything. This begins from birth and continues on through adulthood. Consequently, obesity is a huge problem. This point is made on two key occasions. First, a colonist accidently is knocked off of his hover chair because of Wall-E's antics. The person is unable to lift himself off the ground on his own. He requires the help of bots. Second, the captain of the colony ship walks for the first time in his life when fighting the controlling bot of the ship. The entire colony viewed it on screen and they were amazed to the point of cheering.

Wall-E is entertaining for young kids, although it does start a bit slowly. Adults might find themselves just a bit bored at the outset. But be patient, the movie does pick up its pace at the halfway point. I think Wall-E has a few important things to say to us:

1. Get off the couch or computer chair and exercise. Need I say more?
2. When robots know more about love than humans, we know we have a problem. So, get to know people for real--that is to say, face-to-face--rather than relying only on virtual reality (I am going to receive some emails on this one).
3. It's okay to be you, even with your goofy quirks. None of us is as cool as we think we are, or think we would like to be. So just be you. Then, only then, will you be at peace with yourself and thus find others attracted to your personality for the right reasons. Add to that a Christian perspective. God made each of us in his image. He gave us our talents, personalities, looks, and so on. It is all the more reason to be content and thankful and to expect the best that he has for us.
4. When the captain of the vessel found a spark of hope in his heart for returning to earth, he became motivated to get up, take command, and lead his people. Do we have hope? Do we inspire that hope in others?

I warmly recommend Wall-E for families. Bring a hanky for the tender moments, a pillow for the slow moments, but don't snooze for too long, or you will miss the transition of the key robotic relationship from adversarial to love, not to mention the hilarious ubiquitous pratfalls of our clumsy protagonist.

Neighborhood Family Carnival 2008

After one hour of operation, this year's carnival saw at least 80 people, mostly new families from the neighborhood, walk through our air-conditioned gymnasium doors. As I spoke on the phone with my key leader of the event, she described a festive atmosphere with happy people and plenty of volunteers. And I was not even present, given that I had to work. It was music to my ears.

Notably, while I was concerned about having enough adult volunteers to cover all the games, an interesting phenomena occurred. Many of the kids who have been in my children's ministry asked if they could lead specific games. And lead they did, according to my sources. My heart swelled with pride when I learned of their willingness to serve.

I haven't got any photos to show just yet. I am hopeful that someone thought to take pictures. So if I receive any, I will be sure to share!

cmconnect.org: another new Children's Ministry web community

I stumbled across another new children's ministry web community the other day. cmconnect.org was developed by Michael Chanley to be a "free website designed to help people in Children's Ministry network with one another." I originally found the website while checking my twitter content. Karl Bastian of kidology.org referred to it. Interestingly, Michael had just connected with me via facebook and even later invited me via email to join cmconnect.org, after I had already done so.

It seems to me that there is a synergy occurring, particularly between facebook and twitter users, but also those on kidology and through RSS feeds. I suppose like attracts like to a certain degree, and people tend to gravitate toward communities of common interest. In any event, I was hesitant at first to join yet another web community. Truth be told, I feel maxed out as it is. There are only so many precious minutes in the day to read or contribute content and to network. However, how could I turn down a recommendation by the most auspicious and honorable Kidologist? Okay, okay, I suppose I never have followed his recommendation to buy a Mac, but the point remains.

My only quibble with cmconnect thus far is that it does not appear to be compatible with Microsoft Internet Explorer browsers, particularly when attempting to edit the user profile. In my situation, I was repeatedly booted after receiving an exception error. This could effectively create a roadbloack for potential users who log on with IE. On the positive side, when I contacted Michael about this, he replied promptly, acknowledging the browser conflict and recommending Firefox. Personally, I don't have a problem downloading firefox, as I think it will be worthwhile to see how God might use this emerging community to refine me and introduce me to new friends. Others, however, might not see it that way. But that is for them to decide. Yet, I encourage folks to try it with Firefox from the outset and see if they benefit from the user experience.

Once the browser issue is worked out, I think the site has terrific upsides. It seems intuitive. It has great potential for growth of its userbase. It encourages networking, interaction, content distribution, and varied media. And most importantly, its administrator seems to be a straight shooter who has a customer service sensibility. His attitude toward my plight is what caused me to say, "Yes I will download firefox and try again to utilize the site. As soon as I get time, of course."

UPDATE on June 28:

Downloaded Firefox. The cmconnect.org site works like a gem. Seems sorta like facebook, in a way, but focused on children's ministry. Nice to see a new addition to the webworld.

Age Appropriate VBS: One topic that might not be a good idea.

A moment ago the following took place in instant message. I have changed my friend's id to "friend" in order to safeguard the id. I share this in order to emphasize how important it is to provide for age appropriate content in the children's ministry, especially in VBS. Below, observe me setting the example. Note that I didn't say it was a good example!

friend (10:48:54 PM): what are your plans for the weekend?
Glen (10:49:10 PM): work at the store and then the church
Glen (10:49:28 PM): and plan for vbs
friend (10:49:51 PM): kewl
friend (10:49:55 PM): do you have a theme?
Glen (10:51:09 PM): yes, we are going to research chiastic parallelism in the fourth gospel with a view to understanding the underlying motif of misunderstanding between Jesus and the varied characters, not least the Pharisees and the disciples.
Glen (10:51:32 PM): we try to keep it age appropriate

Websites to note

Here are a few websites I have noticed recently.

Going to Seminary is a great resource blog for new or seasoned seminary students. It gives practical tips, fresh ideas, and lots of encouragement, all from writers who are going to seminary themselves. They are living out the stuff which they write about. So check them out. I wish they had been around when I first started seminary. It would have helped me avoid a ton of pitfalls.

YouVersion is an online Bible which enables community and collaboration. It allows use of a variety of translations, but also the ability for you to contribute your content so that others can benefit from your notes. I have not used it yet, but it looks like a truly interesting idea. I love the fact they emphasize community in the context of content so that relationships are built even as ideas are presented and refined through the interaction of online peers.

New International Reader's Version (NIrV) is a translation for early readers. It is designed to be understood by typical 4th grade children. It provides a natural stepping stone to moving to the NIV when the child's reading level reaches that point.

3isenough is a new venture by Todd Hunter. Todd formerly provided leadership to AlphaUSA, but now has launched this new venture. He explains in detail exactly what TiE (Three is Enough) groups are on his About page. As I understand it, he is encouraging people to purposefully develop intentional friendship in groups of three for the purpose of spiritual formation and service toward others. Certainly worthwhile endeavors. Having spent a week with Todd in one of my DMin courses, I can assure you that he is the kind of person who has thought and prayed this through in the context of refining community before going public with it. It is certainly worth checking into for your own benefit, or perhaps that of your ministry teams and churches.

Finding a Balance in Protecting Kids

I took a short swim in the pool yesterday evening and then decided to read a book for awhile in one of the poolside chairs. A young family was swimming in the pool. There was dad and mom, an older daughter (about 9) and a younger son (about 3). They splashed and cavorted in the pool. The laughter was an enjoyable backdrop to the nice cool breeze which tempered the remaining moments of a warm day under a deep blue sky. A variety of bird species offered their vocal counterpoint to the family fun as they twittered (To Steve Tanner, in case he is reading this: no, not the web application twitter. *grin*) about in the sky above, flitting from tree to tree. On the surface, it was a peaceful moment.

But there was a subtext underway as well. I noticed that dad and mom seemed only to be paying passing attention to the kids. They were far more interested in each other. It appeared they had delegated primary responsibility for watching the boy to the daughter, who actually seemed more interested in practicing her swimming skills. What gave me a moment of pause is when the youngest wandered off to the hot tub by himself, and none of them followed him to bring him back. Yes, he had a flotation vest on, but still, the water in the tub is too hot for children that young. It can actually be quite dangerous, especially since a small child cannot be seen in the hot tub from the vantage point of the pool.

He finally came back, and began running around the perimeter of the pool, which was soaked with water for obvious reasons. Occasionally he also jumped into the water, which was fine since he had the jacket on. Yet they did not say anything to him about the running. I suppose they figured that if he fell into the water his flotation vest would keep him afloat. But what about if he fell and knocked his head on the concrete? What then?

Were they trying to give him space to learn on his own? Did they figure they were close by so if anything happened they could come to his aid? Did they have that much trust in their daughter that they figured they could let him do as he wished and she would take care of it? At what point would they have been willing to step in to provide preventive instruction? Were they even aware of the inherent risks they were taking by allowing him to engage in this behavior? In short, what was the appropriate balance in protecting the young boy?

I realize that there is such a thing as being overprotective. The only two issues that made me wonder were the boy's freedom to wander off by himself to the hot tub, and also to run at full tilt on the wet concrete around the perimeter of the pool. Honestly, I was so distracted by this that I found myself keeping a watchful eye on him rather than the content of my book because I did not perceive that the parents were attentive to his situation!

What parameters of balance do you set in your home or in your children's ministry? How do you go about ensuring the safety of your children without being overbearing? How might this apply not only to obvious physical dangers, but also dangers to the hearts and minds of children through content which they consume in the culture?

Family Landmines

I read and hear often about the IED (Improvised Explosive Device) explosions in Iraq. They are horrific devices which wage an ongoing war of terror in the cities and towns in that nation. Seasoned military experts detect many of them, but not all. And the results can be catastrophic.

I suggest that in our families there can be relational IEDs which are planted by the choices we make. Hidden sin. A refusal to reconcile with others. Anger, gossip, pornography, even abuse of substances or people. All of these, plus so many others, can act as situations which blow apart families, resulting in divorce, heartache, broken-hearted spouses and children, disillusionment. They are family landmines. We guard them closely, thinking they will not hurt anyone else. And then we react in horror when they do exactly that. If real IEDs were planted in our homes we would call for help to remove them. Why is it that we sometimes choose to ignore or cover over something lethal to the spiritual and relational health of our families?

Think on these things as the Lord God speaks to your heart. NIV Psalm 66:18-19 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.

HELP for Parents in Coaching Their Kids in the Game of Life

This morning Pastor Phil Newell and I conversed on the platform in the adult worship service. He provided key points regarding coaching kids and I added my color commentary. He began by unpacking, in simple terms, the backdrop of Deuteronomy 6: 4-6. For those who are interested, I have posted my commentary below on the four key points of the acrostic HELP which he later: Headship, Example, Light and Leadership.

Headship

Children want their parents to be parents. Sure, they enjoy fun companionship, but at the end of the day, they want Mom and Dad to be the leaders and they will test the boundaries to the fullest extent until they discover the limits which Mom and Dad have chosen to set and consistently maintain. Parents set the tone in the home. Be the leader, but communicate your leadership at eye level with your children. Don't talk down to them from the soaring heights of your vantage point. Lower yourself to their perspective. After all, God did that for us in sending Jesus, didn't he? When disciplining children, speak in terms of the choices they make. A choice is different than a mistake. When you accidently drop a glass of water, that is a mistake. When you throw the water at your sister, that is a choice.

Family mealtime, once per week to start, conversation, everyone contributes.

Jesus used mealtime as a significant time of relationship building. The last supper was a case in point. It was not strictly a sacred moment, as if you can divide sacred and the mundane. It was a moment of community, of relationship, which infused into its normal routine of sharing bread, wine and conversation the greater significance of Jesus' forthcoming sacrificial death. The sacramental element was introduced in the context of community. I think this is telling. It was meant for community, not individualistic partaking. So, participating in meaningful mealtimes as a family certainly takes on greater significance when considered in this light.

Example:

Children watch parents and adults closely. Our attitudes. Our word choice. Our actions. They are especially alert to those times when we are under pressure. How do we behave when things go wrong, or when we are frustrated? The phrase do as I say and not as I do is just that, a phrase. The reality is that kids typically will do as their parents do, for good or for bad, because that is the example that is modeled for them. Spend time watching your children play. Be present with them in play. After all, with young children especially, play is their primary language and toys and the details of their games are their words. You can learn a lot about your child in their play. You also can help them mature by teaching them respect for boundaries, right from wrong, how to reconcile, how to communicate, all in the context of play and without having to lecture them. If we only lecture a child, she often simply hears static" "Blah, Blah, Blah."

The moment by moment interactions we have with children are like the flashbulbs which will either point to the reality of Jesus, or obscure him from view, depending on the character we exhibit for children. Enter into their story and allow them into yours. Be real. Make your relationship with God accessible to the children as a normal part of your daily routines.

Light:

Be present with them in the daily routines of their lives. Each interaction is an opportunity to spark once again the light of Jesus in their hearts.

Prayer:

It comes on our knees and on our feet and as we drive in the car, wake our kids up, share a meal with them, put them to bed, all through the routines of our lives, as we worship, pray and listen to God. We need to remember that although God is transcendent, he is also immanent. He created and sustains the universe while also sending his Son Jesus to live among us, and his Spirit to indwell us. God is other, but he lives in the hearts of those who believe. Yet, why do we so often pray as if he is out there somewhere, rather than present with us? Why do we act as if God is beyond some closed door or glass ceiling? Jesus is Immanuel, God with us. When he died the veil separating holiest place from the remainder of the temple was torn. Likewise, we were given access to God through Jesus Christ. Jesus is now our high priest. We are the royal priesthood, invited in to the holiest place to worship God and converse with him directly. To be sure, we must maintain reverence. But God also invites us to call him Abba, daddy. He invites us into intimate relationship with him. This ought to inform our worship, our prayer, our daily routines and thoughts.

Quiet Time Ideas for Families with Young Children

These are some simple suggestions for parents of young children to use as they wake their children in the morning, or even as quiet times during the day throughout the week. I wrote these for families in my own church. Anyone is welcome to use them in their family or church.

The ideas might not work for every child or every family, but they provide one way to give a gentle nudge to wake up, or simply pause throughout the day. They can be used any day of the week or everyday. They can even be used during the day! The point is to create meaningful, precious, silly, heartfelt times of connection with your child.


Monday- This is a wake up chant which a parent can use on those typically hard to wake Monday mornings:

“It’s Monday, it’s Monday, and I will love you all day. So rise up, and stretch out, or you have something to giggle about. It’s Monday, it’s Monday, and God will love you all day. Jesus rose up from the grave and that is something to praise him about.”

Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Tuesday- This song is sung to the tune “Oh Be Careful Little Eyes What You See.”

"Oh I think I hear a squirming little one. Oh I think I hear a squirming little one. As the sun begins to rise, I look deeply in your eyes and remind you of my love, little one. Jesus made you like you are, little one. Jesus made you in his Image, little one. As the sun begins to rise, I look deeply in your eyes and remind you of God’s love, little one."

Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Wednesday- Song sung to the tune, “Mary had a little lamb.”

"Our Father had a great idea, great idea, great idea! Our Father had a great idea and it included you! God made you just the way you are, way you are, way you are. God made you just the way you are and he said it was good! Even though sin makes him sad, makes him sad, makes him said. Even though sin makes him sad, he sent Jesus to help. Then Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again. Then Jesus took all our sins and washed them all away!”

Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Thursday- Sing or say, “Oh my child (or child’s name) is so special, she (or he) really is to me. Oh I love to hug her everyday and help her really see that Jesus really loves her and has a plan for her. So open up your eyes right now and we will get to pray.”

Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Friday- A rhyme which a parent can either sing or say to the child:

“Wiggle, Wiggle, where are your toes? If you smile I’ll kiss your nose! Snuggle up right next to me. Let’s pray right now like busy bees.”

Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Saturday- Gently and quietly sit by your child as she wakes. Simply listen and be with her, hearing her concerns as she wakes for the day. Then, take a moment to pray with your child and remind her of your love and care for her.

Sunday- These lyrics may be sung to the popular children's tune, "Skip to my Lou." The kids learned the song at church and it may be adapted as a cheerful wake up routine to prepare for a day of community worship. After singing it with your child, take a moment to pray with her and remind her of your love and care for her.

Praise to the Father!
Praise to the Son!

Praise to the Spirit!
The Three in One!

Praise to the Lord God
for all He's done!
Praise to His name this morning!

Orphans of God by Avalon

And it is the church which again must rise up to minister to the unwanted, the broken, the outcasts kicked to the margins of society. It is the church which must be Christ's hands extended to the least of these. It is my responsibility. It is yours. Yes, it is ours. And in as much as we have done it for the least of these, we have done it for Christ (Matthew 25:35-46). We have only to open our eyes to see the urgent reality of the needs that press upon those that so desperately need help. Jesus is on the move in their midst. Will we join him? Will I?

Break camp and advance....

My Jesus I Love Thee

Precious Jesus, I worship you. With all that I am, with all that I have, I worship and adore you.

Living Life in the Soil of God's Intentions

Our lives are stories in progress. Set in the muddy milieu of where we live, love, work and play daily, these narratives we inhabit flesh out the intricate details of our routines and random moments of serendipity. It can seem so mundane as they are lived out, even ordinary and not worth mentioning, but the lives we lead, for all their normalcy, are the soil in which God designs his purposes, his intentions, his delights.

It is with this thought in mind that I remember the seemingly mundane occurrences of my week:

*A hug of a three year old girl who was accidently knocked down by an older boy. The calmness that washed over her as she realized she was being comforted at her pace.

*Lunch with my Mom. The conversation, both simple and profound. The reaffirmation of our love for each other, over and over again.

*A meeting with my pastor. The mutual respect and admiration. The collegiality and the efforts to listen and communicate.

*Catching up with a long-time friend. Realizing that we can speak freely with each other, knowing what we share is safe in mutually honored confidence.

*Laughter, giggles and panting (the last especially by me) as the kids and I raced between the chairs, out into the gymn, and back again between the chairs faster and faster last night, singing one of Hillsong Kids songs, "I Am Not Forgotten." Plus the goofy dancing by yours truly and the kids as they tried to emulate me without falling on the floor laughing.

*A quiet couple of minutes with each child during free playtime as they shared with me personally what they are asking God to help them with in the coming week. Truly profound. Truly heartfelt. The stuff of life.

*Driving truck through the city. Feeling satisfied in knowing I did my best and I did it safely.

*Praying for unchurched kids and their families all around me. Some very poor. Others very affluent. Others simply ordinary in their situations. But they all need Jesus. And very few realize it.

Children at Play, Redux

I allowed the kids to spend a little time on the playground this evening after our Bible lesson. Two neighbor boys watched us from the other side of the chain link fence. They stood on their family chicken coop, even showing us one of their chickens. I invited them to come to our neighborhood carnival two Saturdays away. They seemed interested. I hope they visit. The younger of the two, depicted in the first photograph, smiled a lot. He looked wistful, as if he wished he could play on the playsets with us. Maybe someday soon he will be allowed to participate in PowerClub Kids. I hope so.

Live Chat Enabled

If you would like to interact with me in live chat, simply click on the Chat Stuff link below and to the left in the Navigation Stuff section. This will take you to my old website which still has a chat feature online. Then click connect. I am typically online in the USA evenings, so drop by and say hello!

Do you want to join my dissertation email list?

I just sent an email to everyone currently on my doctoral dissertation email list. Nine people, including my three official readers, have received in their inboxes a copy of the dissertation proposal which Western Seminary has already approved. They also will receive three additional emails with an attached word doc of the progressive versions of the dissertation in the months ahead.

So here is my question: Do you also want a copy to look over so you can provide me feedback? Simply email me at glen @ glenwoods.net, but without the spaces, and I will add you to the list. Thanks!

Children's and Family Ministry Isn't About Me

Children's and family ministry isn't about me as a leader. It never has been. It never will be. It is about the nine year old boy with no daddy to honor on Father's day. It is about him, crestfallen once again at the fading prospects of a father to emulate. Although some of us try to fill in the gap in small ways, it simply isn't the same. Children's ministry is about the drug affected kids, born of biological parents ill-equipped to raise them, thus causing them to be turned over to foster care. It is about them in their hour of need when they scarcely can control themselves, becoming difficult to manage, but still remaining the focus of God's heart. Children's ministry is about the single mom, who for whatever reason, has found herself in the challenging situation of raising her children alone, often struggling to make financial ends meet. It is also about the many children who live in two parent homes. Although there might be many advantages at their disposal, there also can be easily forgotten the potential struggles and pitfalls, especially in homes where children are allowed to set the agenda and cause themselves and their parents to suffer for it. Children's and family ministry in the local church is about all the people who call the church their home or who are influenced by them in the community. It is about those within, but also about those yet to come, and even those who may never step foot on campus, yet still are influenced by the community. It is about nurture and mission alike.

It is a calling, not simply an occupation. It is a mission, not a conquest. It is a growing organism of relationships, not simply an iconic organization. It is an ongoing journey of faith, not a marketplace designed to meet the perceived needs of one's every desire. It is the living structure wherein God causes us to encourage each other in the faith, young and old alike, so that we may follow Jesus Christ as Lord, rather than our own selfish agendas.

Playground Business

Occasionally, I take the kids out to the playground so they can blow off some steam in the fresh air. The weather has been very accomodating the last few days for this to happen. These are a few photos I took last Sunday.

Play is serious business for kids. It is their work, in a manner of speaking. In play, they act out the things that concern them. They also can learn social skills, leadership traits, practice ways to reconcile when they disagree, and simply be children. Learning to be present, yet non-intrusive with children while they play is a valuable skill. We can observe while they go about their business. We can interact without interfering, especially when invited. We can maintain adult parameters of respect while embracing childlike humor and interaction when appropriate. Both structured and unstructured play are important tools in my ministry toolbelt. Rather than simply being an addon to ministry activities, play is a part of the larger philosophy of ministry which informs my approach to pastoring children.

northwest beauty at the Gorge

Family Discipleship as Mission

A stack of mediography surrounds me. CD's, periodicals, books, urls in my web browser, not to mention the many people with whom I interact on the web and offline. Laser focus will be required to navigate this tangled business of children's and family ministry. So many approaches. So many assumptions--philosophical, theological, political, and cultural--which undergird those approaches. I had no idea when I started the process that it would be so unclear. Yet strangely, I am encouraged as I consider the possibility that my perspective might offer a unique voice to the conversation.

I am not beholden to a particular way of doing family ministry. If anything, I currently perceive the variations of family ministry to be cut largely from a similar insular mold which looks mostly inward, rather than outward. But it is too early to say that with authority. It is simply an initial perception as I begin to work through the literature and engage practitioners in conversation. My ears will be tuned to how the church might best foster spiritual formation for children and their families in ways that create a lifestyle of mission vis-a'-vis service and evangelism within the culture. That is to say, I will focus on how we might encourage discipleship within families in the truest sense, that of making disciples who in turn make disciple-making disciples, and so on. Not simply within families or a specific church community, but breaking out into the culture and the world. Ronald Reagan once said, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall." I say, "Church, let's break down the walls which insulate us from making a missional gospel impact on the culture in which God has placed us."

Dissertation Topic Approved

Hi everyone. Many of you have been praying for me as I work through the dissertation approval process. Good news: it has been approved! Praise God for that. Now I go through the registration process and some paperwork, not to mention forking over money. :) But it's all good. So, it is safe to say that my life in the slow lane has come to a screeching halt. It is time to get busy and get to work. Hang on. It is gonna be a fun ride.

Oh! Just so you know, I have a blog called Coolest Sentence of the Day. I have previously been posting tidbits from this blog there. As the writing for my dissertation begins later this summer, I will begin posting unpublished sentences from the dissertation on that blog, just to pique your curiosity concerning what I am writing. If you want to read my actual dissertation as it gets written, you may request to be added to a free exclusive email list by emailing me directly.

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

Family Ministry: Why Am I Concerned With It?

Why am I concerned about ministry to and with families? What motivates me on this investigation of its various expressions in the church context? Perhaps a brief outline of my thinking will help explain.

As some of my readers are aware, I began the journey in 2002, asking why are we doing children's ministry the way we are doing it. In 2005 I began asking why are we doing church the way we are doing it. Now I am asking why are we doing life the way we are doing it. I believe the three questions are closely related.

Why are we doing children's ministry the way we do it?

At no point, have I thought that children's ministry on the church campus should be disbanded. That would be a disservice to the community. There are some who advocate such an approach. In my experience, they would prefer a move toward strictly holistic neighborhood-located, home group types of ministry. In their view, campus-based children's ministry is ineffective and becoming irrelevent. Personally, while I can understand how they might arrive at that view, I disagree with their solution, especially given that many boys, girls and families would never have an opportunity to hear the gospel, were it not for children's ministries on campus or in the neighborhoods. I have no quarrel with those who are able to transition into home-group models of ministry which integrate the whole of the family. As near as I can tell, however, few do it with excellence. Most such ministries are pretty much affiliation based and have minimal impact on local neighborhoods.

There are others who favor intergenerational on-campus expressions of ministry which would impact commonly practiced ways of doing children's ministry. Northpoint is a good example of this with their KidsStuf program. While they maintain age-graded programming, they also provide environments for parents and children to interact in an intensive weekly experience. In fact children cannot attend unless parents are with them, as I understand it. By its nature, the program seems to have exclusivity, given that only children with parents willing to attend the KidsStuf program are allowed to attend. However, I could be wrong on that. If anyone knows differently please leave a comment. Also, I am not sure how they handle marginalized children, such as orphans, or children from unchurched homes whose parents will not attend. In my context, quite a few children would be precluded from attending.

While many churches, including my own, still have age-graded Sunday School classes, there seems to be a strong reaction against this expression of ministry on church campuses. By linking age-graded ministries to all that is perceived to be evil about the public education system, some churches are attempting to model themselves after more of a homeschool model, placing upon the parents the primary responsibility for nurturing their children in the faith and educating them in biblical truth with the primary aim of helping them to know God and follow Jesus Christ. This is great. However, I am perceiving in my studies just a little condescension toward those who are not postured to move into that role. Also, I think that we do a disservice to the many fine men and women in the public education system by characterizing their efforts as completely ineffectual.

Why are we doing church the way we are doing it?

Most campus-based churches handle their outreaches to the community on an attractional level. That is to say, they employ methods which they hope will draw in the unchurched and the non-believers. Willowcreek and Saddleback are notable forerunners of the seeker movement. Interestingly, Willow has moved several paradigms past the seeker movement based on a credible source which asked me not to provide identification on this blog. Yet, many churches still aspire to the former seeker model which based on the long track record of both of these churches. Others are not intentionally modelled after these two examples, but they still have elements of seeker friendliness which is woven into their church culture. They hold events, employ multisensory experiences, using marketing approaches, and so on. They do whatever they can, within reason, to draw people to the church worship experience on their campuses. This philosophy is a given in many of our children's ministries, particularly in the USA. Job security is dependant on the ability of the children's minister to attract and retain large amounts of children to their ministries. By extension, this implies they are also bringing in revenue generating parents who, one hopes, will tithe. This is not meant to sound cheeky. Just realistic. Obviously we want kids and parents alike to come to faith. But it doesn't hurt if they give financially as well, yes?

But have we ever stopped to ask why?

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Well?

Why?

Please don't misunderstand. I want people to come to church. I do. I love it when people walk through the doors of my church. I try to greet them whenever possible. But why has our emphasis on bringing people to our campuses or even home churches coopted actually getting out into the community on a daily basis in incarnational ways? We speak of incarnational ministry, but do we know what it implies? Do I? Do you? I think it means living out the life of Christ as he would in the community where all the sinners and those who don't intentionally worship God hang out. Not that we wish to become of the world. But certainly we are located in it as witnesses to the world through our lives, actions and words.

What implications does this have for children's and family ministry? I am concerned about some of the expressions of family ministry I am observing in that they appear to be insulating themselves all the more from the world. I agree with protecting our kids from worldliness, but I think we have a wonderful opportunity to speak into our culture regarding the family and their children. What might this look like for your church?

Why do we do life the way we do it?

Isolation. Loneliness. Lack of communication. Overly busy. Overworked. Irritable. Driven to success on the road to despair. And those are just the "happily" married church leaders of our congregations. Or, at least a significant percentage of them. What about the rest of us? What about the world who is watching? Why do we do life the way we do it? I am encouraged to learn that the concept of life margin is gaining traction slowly but surely. We can do far less activities with far more excellence and far more impact while regaining our sense of life proportion (margin and balance) and seeing God accomplish his purposes for which he will get all the glory, as it should be. We can. Why? Because in doing so, we entrust the outcome to God, rather than attempting to micromanage his work through our overwork.

Weaving the questions together

The questions of why we do children's ministry, church, and life the way we do it are inextricably linked, in my view. They speak to a worldview in which many of us are located, so much so that we struggle to identify its parameters since it is so much a part of the way we think and act. My encouragement is not to go make drastic decisions based on this or any of my other writings on the subject. Rather, I encourage you to think and pray. Consider what the Spirit of God might be speaking to your heart as you ask his guidance for your ministry leadership in the weeks ahead. I personally am on a journey of discovery. I don't know how it will look a year from now, or even in the years beyond. It is uncomfortable and risky. It is heart breaking and exhilarating. It forces me to challenge assumptions I have long held dear. Many of them have long since given way to new ways of thinking. Others have maintained their ground, but have been refined. Hopefully, as I struggle to learn and grow, I will gain some humility and ministry effectiveness in the process.

"What Would You Do?" Children's Bible Study Series

I am in the process of writing a new children's church Bible study series for the kids in my church. It is called, "What Would You Do?" We are working chronologically through the biblical text using key stories--some well known, others less so--to illustrate choices which biblical people faced in their settings, and then applying them to today in ways with which they can identify.

Last week we watched Adam and Eve encounter the serpent in the Garden of Eden as portrayed in the form of a puppet show. All of the children wanted a chance to handle the puppets so we took turns and told the story several times. Adam and Eve were faced with a choice of unimaginable proportions. I wonder. Did they know the extent of the consequences for their choice? If not originally, then later? When I asked the children what Eve should do when the serpent tempted her to eat of the fruit from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they unanimously cried out, "Run away!" It is easy to make that judgement from the relative safety of several thousand years and a better understanding of the consequences of their choice. But surely we also would have been beguiled had we been in their situation. I don't know about you, my kind readers, but I have an inkling of the deceitfulness of my own heart, the struggle I face to make good choices of a much smaller magnitude. Or are they smaller in magnitude?

This week we saw Cain and Abel (in puppet form) bring their sacrifices to God. Cain displeased God with his offering. Abel pleased God and thus experienced God's favor. Cain then became angry to the point of bitterness. As God inquired about this, Cain hardened his heart and then began to plot against Abel, carrying out a plan to murder him. He plotted against his brother. Surely, Adam and Eve must have felt the weight of this in their hearts. When God looked for Abel he inquired again of Cain. Cain's response rings through the ages to this day. We see it in governmental policies around the world, including the USA. We see it played out in homes, in communities, in churches, on the streets and in the public square. "Am I my brother's keeper?" This is the inaugural moment of verbally expressed individualism. It smacks of arrogant rebellion. It was a public act of defiance against God and against another human being. Note its utter contradiction of what later would become known as the two greatest commandments to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and your neighbor as yourself.

When I asked the kids today what Cain should do when he learned his sacrifice did not please God, they suggested that he should learn from this wrong choice. Perhaps he could have brought a better sacrifice at the next opportunity. Yet, as they soon learned, Cain spiraled into a series of disastrous choices. This question sparked a fascinating discussion between the kids. Why did Cain make this choice? Why did he not apologize and make things right? Why did Cain get so angry at his brother Abel and God? This then allowed us to make application here and now in our lives.

I reminded the children that I have seen a lot of kids come and go over the years. Some have grown up and have kids of their own. I know of at least one from my previous church who spent time in prison. Others also have made extremely bad choices. With all the love and compassion I could muster, I told them to be mindful of their choices now, because it sets the tone for their choices in the days to come when the choices will become much harder and more serious.

What I love about the Bible is that it does not pull punches. It is not a book of fairytales as some would have us believe. It tells it like it is. Life is portrayed as unvarnished with all its difficult contradictory problems. It is real. And the Bible shows us life as it really is. I find this comforting and helpful as I lead children and adults in the discovery process of finding out what God has to say to us in the biblical text.

The value of a well-timed surprise

It takes a lot to surprise me. And tonight I truly was stunned. A friend visited me from out of state. We began a great conversation until suddenly a second friend, from a different state, made a surprise appearance, leaving me slack jawed and speechless.

When is the last time you have experienced a surprise so stunning that you were left speechless and in awe? What might it take in the children's ministry context to provide a unique experience so stunning that it is forever imprinted on the memories of the children for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ? By stunning I do not necessarily mean large, expensive, loud, or even technologically innovative. It might be one or more of those, to be sure. Or, it might simply be something so simple in its delivery, but profound in its application, that each child is left clamoring for more. For me, it was the unexpected appearance of a second friend whom I love dearly. For our kids it could be any number of things. A grandpa who visits their class. An athlete who visits an event. A community that bands together to help remodel their broken down home, especially their room. A senior pastor who gets on the floor with them to listen to them talk about their world on their terms. A school teacher who visits their sunday school class and meets their sunday school teacher. And the list goes on with endless possibilities.

I will not soon forget this night. Yet, I will soon begin planning simple, but meaningful ways to touch the hearts of the kids in my care.

New Articles on Kidology

For those of you who are Kidology members, I have five new articles posted in the articles section of Kidology.org. If you are not a member, it is really easy to sign up for a nominal yearly cost. Believe me. It is worth every penny. Actually it is worth a lot more than they require, but you will not regret the expense. So, head to Kidology, become a member, log on and then navigate to the articles section and look for "Becoming An Excellent Children's Ministry Teacher: Be Prayerful, Be Accountable, Be Biblical, Be Prepared, and Be Joyful." Later this month I will post Be friendly, Be relevant, Be yourself, Be creative, and Be faithful. Be sure to look me up on Kidology and we can talk about these articles and all the great discussions going on there. See you on Kidology!

Are you a missionary where you live?

I grew up believing that missions was something that happens elsewhere, anywhere but here. By that I mean, anywhere but in average run-of-the-mill USA, whether in cities, suburbia, or small towns. My one direct childhood exposure to missions occurred when my family took clothing to Indians in Arizona, and then to the north of Mexico. That was a grand adventure that sparked fire which has smoldered ever since. As I grew older I used to look at the world globe and pray for people all over the world. I figured if I couldn't go myself, then at least I could pray and give. But still, missions was always something which happened elsewhere. And indeed it does happen all over the world, for which I am grateful. But what about here? What about right where I live? Where I work and shop in the marketplace? Is it possible for missions to happen in my local community as well? These questions are relevant for any area of ministry in the church, but they are especially important for those of us responsible for leading our churches in connecting with the community. Yes, this includes those of us involved in children's and family ministry.

Whenever I raise this topic I seem to receive a mixture of responses. Some people are so indoctrinated in the mindset I described above that they automatically say that it is called something different here, such as evangelism, or social justice activism, or simply being the church in our community. All of those things might well be true, as far as they go. But why the reticent attitude toward missions where we live? Why not approach our local culture as missionaries?

I am encouraged to point out that many seminaries and pastors are beginning to see the value of missionary approaches to doing ministry. The term "missional" has been borrowed from missions literature and has gained a great deal of traction in popular literature. Although I sometimes wonder if specific authors have a rounded understanding of what is meant by "missional," I am glad they are readily adopting it into their vocabulary.

I passionately believe that in order for us to regain effectiveness in reaching our local communities in the USA (for readers outside of the USA, ask yourselves if this might be true for your communities as well), we need to think, pray, behave, and plan like missionaries. We need to learn from the mistakes missionaries once made in the early centuries, and integrate a mature theology of ministry with the readily available cultural research tools that have been developed by leading missionary thinkers and practitioners. It wouldn't hurt to take missions courses as such leading seminaries as Fuller in Pasedena, California or Western in Portland, Oregon. You should also read the literature of notable authors such as David J. Bosch (Trasforming Mission: Paradigm Shifts in Theology of Mission), Leslie Newbigin (The Gospel in a Pluralist Society), James P Spradely and David W. McCurdy (The Cultural Experience: Ethnography in Complex Society), and Donald K. Smith (Creating Understanding: A Handbook for Christian Communication Across Cultural Landscapes). This is just a sampling of some of the seminal publications which have influenced my perspective.

It is likely that those of you who live in ethnically diverse densely populated urban areas resonate with the point I am trying to make. Yet I encourage those of you who minister in primarily homogeneous communities to consider its application for your contexts as well. We all have to ask ourselves, "How well do we know our local culture? Are we sure? How can we be sure we have a reasonably accurate portrait of our cultural landscape?" The books I listed above will help you develop approaches which can help you arrive at some answers. They are readily available to order from academic bookstores, or you can simply go to Christianhouse.com to shop for them.

Here is a provocative challenge for you to consider. The marketing strategists of leading product manufacturers do a better job of understanding the culture than most churches. Thus, these businesses place their new product mixes and their company branding at the forefront of cultural conversation, thereby leading the conversation and influencing the hearts and minds of millions, while churches teeter on the precipice of cultural irrelevance because of a largely inward looking, reactionary, foxhole mentality. Do you think I am overstating it? Then ask yourself why so much of the Evangelical interaction with the local culture is adversarial? Is there ever a time to be adversarial? Of course. Just look at the prophets, not least Jesus in the temple. The prophets were notorious for confronting the evils of their day and they often were killed because of it. I doubt that is the issue in much of what is happening today.

Be that as it may, Jesus also connected with the culture. He engaged in conversation, albeit often speaking in parables to those who plotted to kill him. But he also spoke plainly with sinners (prostitutes, drunks, tax collectors, reviled occupying Roman soldiers, common fishermen, women (notably one from Samaria, a land at enmity with Israel), all of whom genuinely wanted to learn. Are we in the church willing to do the same? Are we willing to prove it by our actions? How might this affect how we approach mission in our neighborhoods? In what ways will we need to change our strategies, or to use less crass terminology, our attitudes and actions? How might we become "real" to our neighbors. Like it or not, many of the unchurched in the local culture might not like you, even though they don't know you, simply because of the damage perpetrated by so-called Christian media. This really can be overcome, both individually, and as a church. Be prayerful. Be real. Be relevant. Be available. Be servants. Be listeners. Be prophetic. Be like Jesus. Be missionaries.

I look forward to reading how God is using you as missionaries in your contexts.

Hands-on Learning Personally Experienced

Last week I traveled to Eastern Washington to visit some friends. It was a wonderful time of fellowship. It also provided some surprises. One of these was a new interest introduced to me by David. Wood carving. It is not something I ever aspired or expected to do. I have long admired his handiwork via photos. He does the carving and his wife Pati paints them. It is really quite remarkable, especially when I see the finished work in person.

So, on my second day there, later in the afternoon, he invited me downstairs into his basement to learn how to carve. It was with a mixture of uncertainty that I followed him down the steep, narrow staircase. Molly, their dog who is pictured in the photo, kept a watchful eye on me as I descended. This was her domain. I was an intruder. More on that in a moment.

I found a small cozy well lit room with a television playing Animal Planet. Molly likes to watch the show, especially when it is about dogs. She barks, whines and scratches at the TV, much like a person interacting with their favorite show, only with more personality. Finally, David placed a chew toy in her mouth to act as a kind of mute like what you would place in a horn. It worked!

I sat down in a chair and David showed me a few key cuts and strokes. First there was the stop cut from which material would be chiseled to create a greater relief effect. And then, of course, the actual chiseling. I was not so sure I could do this. I spent my entire life believing I am not a craft-enabled talent. The jury is still out, I am sure. This stems in part from wanting to settle for nothing less than perfection. It's the old saying, "If you can't do something right the first time, then don't do it at all." I took it to heart. It is a dreadful teaching that needs to be unlearned. It caused me to forego many opportunities over the years, not only in terms of art, but in other areas of life as well, because of this frame of mind which I continue to work to overcome.

Yet here I found myself doing something far beyond what I would ordinarily try. And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the conversation especially. But David made it easy to learn the skill. He made it understandable. Doable. Safe. And affirming. So, I tried. And curiously enough, with his guidance and initial prompting by drawing the facial outline, a visage appeared on the walking stick which I was carving. Eyes. Nose. Mouth. David carved the beard, himself. I plan to try one on my own because I think I can do it. He built into me enough confidence to try again on my own. He invested hands-on guidance to prompt me toward actions I would never have attempted on my own initiative. Then it occurred to me. This is what hands-on learning is all about. No abstract theory on the principles of wielding cutlery, administering safety precations and first aid, or choosing the wood of appropriate species and shape. None of that. Well, maybe a little on safety. But you see my point. He removed obstacles which otherwise would have intimidated me and he immediately immersed me in the learning experience tangibly. Yes, I made minor mistakes, but he was present to help me overcome them. He created a situation in which I was inspired to purchase a limited amount of materials to continue practicing and learning.

When I asked David why he had me practicing on a beautiful walking stick rather than a simple board, he smiled and said it was okay. I later found out why. He gave me the walking stick for my hiking which I also enjoy. I was deeply touched at his generosity. Both he and Pati made a difference in my life that weekend with their gift of hospitality and their generous gift of friendship. Molly proved the comic relief by barking at me with her tail wagging and her fangs bared everytime I stood up, but begging for me to give her food when we were at the dinner table. :)

This experience causes me to raise the question: Just how important is hands-on learning to the process of causing our children to learn and apply biblical truth?

they once were little

They once were little, these graduating high school seniors. And now they have grown up, approaching the cusp of adulthood. With dreams of college and career looming, they look forward with excitement to the plans that God has for them. And rightly so. They have worked hard. Each of them loves Jesus. They also are devoted to their families. I am proud of them, having watched them grow up over the years. It was with great honor I asked them to take their photos with me, Janae, Andrew, Anna (holding someone's little baby), and Danny. At one time I towered over Andrew and Danny. Nowadays I am just a short little pudgy guy in their presence. I love it. I gladly fade into the background as each of these young people come into focus. I pray for them diligently and ask God to protect them, guide them, equip them, and unleash them as servants of the Lord wherever he may lead them.